It took me 5 days in hospital to get my first one to feed. 5 heartbreaking days of me sweating in my dressing gown and slippers and watching all the other new Mums come and go. 5 days of pumping milk that my little man wouldn't take at all for 3 days, and at 4 days not from anything except a bottle or a cup. 5 days of watching him turn yellow with jaundice and begging for a wet nappy. 5 days of me sobbing and feeling a complete failure.
I was just 22 and had no friends who breastfed, and no family to call upon. My partner's Mother hadn't breasfed in the late 60's, it wasn't usual, so she couldn't help me either. Everyone could watch, but the help I needed wasn't available. I had my child on a Friday, and the one and only breastfeeding support worker only worked Tuesdays. There was no internet like there is today, all I had for reference was a badly photocopied pamphlet with line drawings.
All the midwives tried to help, but a lot of the advice was to just stop, give in and look after myself, I was falling to pieces and that was no good for my baby. I couldn't though. I WAS GOING TO BREASTFEED MY CHILD.
My partner of the time (the Father to my first 3 children) suffered from Asthma and I knew without any doubt that to breastfeed would help protect my child. I knew that in the long run if my child developed Asthma, I would live with my own feelings of failure forever. He was fantastic. He trusted I was doing the right thing and
didn't try to deter me. I suppose he knew I would give up when I really
had no choice and didn't want to crush me unnecessarily.
All the time there was one Midwife who was truly on my side and desperate for me to nurse. She had the weekend off, and I missed her so much for those 2 days. I felt incredibly alone, and so very small in that great big hospital full of people who couldn't put their finger on how to help. It was awful for her when she arrived at work on the Monday to find me still there and still unable to get my child to latch except for about 3 occasions over the whole 4 days. It really was hell.
By 2pm on that last day I was ready to give in. I couldn't take the punishment any more and my child was getting ill. I would pump and give him a bottle for as long as my milk would allow and I'd been warned this would likely be 6 weeks at best. I couldn't afford an electric pump, they cost hundreds at the time, so it would all be hand pumped. It was at this point of pretty much no return that my Midwife did a stunning thing. She gave me advice she was not allowed to give, she told me a secret. She told my partner to go to Mothercare or Boots and buy nipple shields. It was a last ditch effort, and one which would still probably only give us 6 weeks, but it was worth a shot and would be far easier than hand-pumping milk.
My bags packed for home, my partner came back within an hour and the Midwife took a shield and poured boiled water over it. I positioned it and brought my baby to me. What happened next was beyond my wildest dreams - my baby latched on and fed. No hassle, no screaming and crying, he just fed. I sobbed some more, repeatedly thanking her. I cried again as we left hospital, unsure of what lay ahead, but confident I could do it.
I knew that with the nipple shields my milk production would be reduced because of the lack of stimulation, and I wanted to be able to feed for as long as we both wanted, so, for the next 6 weeks I carried on feeding whenever my son showed an interest. My Health Visitor told me I was 'wasting my time' and that my milk would stop, it was pointless.
For the first week or 2 I expected to suddenly find nothing there, but there was always gallons of milk, I woke up in a puddle every night and leaked all the time. I began to get a little more confident and look to the future. I needed to get rid of the shields, the sterilising and carrying them about with me was frustrating and made it virtually impossible for me to ever feed in public. I started trying to get him to latch before positioning the shield. At first he'd only occasionally even try, but by 4 weeks had taken a handful of feeds without a shield. At 5 weeks he took 2 feeds running without a shield and I knew it was working. I was still feeding my baby and I still had milk. He was just less than 6 weeks when we stopped using nipple shields all together. It is one of the proudest days of my life.
I carried the nipple shields around with me for a few more months, but I never needed them again. I fed my child until he was 19 months old and loved every moment. He did develop Asthma briefly between the ages of 7 and 9, but since then has never had any more signs of any allergy. My 2nd child nursed from birth until 21 months, and my 3rd until 20 months. Neither ever had any Asthma, only a little Eczema which they no longer have.
Support in those early weeks is absolutely vital. I had a very good and obvious reason for breastfeeding and I wasn't going to give up. I felt completely alone and useless and I battled every step of the way. I had to fight for what I knew to be worthwhile, when everyone around me thought it was a waste of everyone's time. I never saw a breastfeeding support worker, even though I didn't leave hospital until after she should have been working all day. At the time there were no numbers to call, no support groups, no volunteers that anyone knew of. No internet to turn to. Without that Midwife breaking the rules and giving me her own personal advice from what she'd seen over the years, I probably would never have been able to put my child to the breast. I will never forget her, her name was Claire.
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| My 5th (3) and my 1st (19) |
To this day I have no idea why my first child was so stubborn in those early days, why he just wouldn't do what he was told. I guess he must take after his Mum....
In all I spent around 8 years breastfeeding and every moment was worthwhile. I made it, and looking back I will forever be proud of myself because I did it alone. Many, many Mums give up when they don't need to. There is support everywhere now and all Health Professionals have a duty to help you, including your Health Visitor Team, GP and Midwife. Groups and volunteers such as
The La Leche League,
The NCT,
The Breastfeeding Network,
Keep Britain Breastfeeding and
Lactivist are all there waiting to listen and help. Don't be scared to ask.
There are loads of fabulous bloggers taking part in the Keep Britain Breastfeeding Scavenger Hunt including
Oh So Amelia
Faded Seaside Mama
Mama Geek
Life, Love And Living With Boys
Pobbing Along
