It's Summer! Well, it feels like it just now anyway, and the UK is promised a heatwave this weekend, which has given everyone something to talk about, even if some of us aren't as excited as others (I'm not built for hot weather!). It'll also mean lots of playing outdoors, getting together with friends and relatives, and hopefully a lot of smiles.

We've had a few bonfires, a trip to the cinema and a birthday, but mostly spent the last month continuing to sort and pack, take stuff to the tip and send it away with other people who want it or can use it. We never seem to get anywhere close to actually finishing! I guess a surprise move after 15 years and 7 kids really does mean you have no choice but to go through all of that stuff you have been putting off for far too long. 

For us it's meant the rediscovery of tons of treasure, and a million memories. Going through all of the kid's old toys takes you back in a way photographs never can. It doesn't give you a snapshot, it releases all of the stories and the moments. The times things went wrong, or right, the conversations and debates, birthdays and holidays. The daft things they said, pet names and misheard sentences. The precious reminders that make something costing pennies into something so valuable that you can never imagine letting it go.

Hello Spring! We waited a long time for it, but Easter brought with it excellent weather and a chance for everyone to play out. We had a visit from Grandparents who we haven't seen since last Summer - and it's only the second time we've been able to see them since COVID arrived, so it was incredibly welcome. 

This month has been a bit unexpected for us, as 2 weeks ago we were given 8 weeks notice to leave our house. We've been here almost 15 years, and with 7 children growing up with us, we have accumulated a lot of stuff, and a lot of memories. 8 weeks simply isn't long enough. 

The imminent move has overshadowed Easter and completely filled our time, but we still made some smiles, and we still had an Easter egg hunt, and we have spent hours and hours carefully placing memories in boxes... it's much harder because we love this house and don't wish to leave, and it's where one of our children was born, and where one of our children died.

Easter in itself is full of memories for everyone who has lost someone. Christmas might be the big event, but Easter always involves family and friends, and reminders of what used to be. It's been a hard couple of weeks, and I think that probably shows. We are all exhausted here, and that isn't about to get any easier. It is also the reason that this month the smiles are very late. I simply wasn't in a place to do any writing last week - my apologies to everyone who has been waiting for this post!

You guys have all had your cameras out, and it's been a real pleasure to look through all of the smiles today. I inadvertently took photos up until today, so there may be a couple that really should be in next month, and snuck in. I'm not going to go back through them, I'll just accept that and keep moving forward. I'm only human... 

Here are just 9 of the biggest smiles you guys have shared over the past month (and 4 days) by using the #tbcsmiles hashtag on Instagram. The whole collection is well over 8,000 photos now, each one with an infectious grin, a chuckle or a wry smile, but all have a little joy to brighten your day. 

Anyone is welcome to join in with the smiles, you don't need a fancy camera or Instagram perfect house, as long as someone is smiling, that's all we need. After all is said and done, happiness is everything. 

These smiles were shared by the following Instagrammers: 

OddHogg / PaigeWallbankxo / OurLittleEscapades

GirlyBones78 / BeautiesAndTheBibs / TheStrawberryFountain

SuburbanMum / Haylee_Louise_ / MrsShilts

My family made our own smiles, we really did, but I didn't bring out my camera much. We had a 12th birthday and our kitten Sonja to make us grin, so unsurprisingly star of this month's collection is my youngest son - who smiled through his entire birthday, even when he didn't win at bowling... even when life tests you, the smiles are always there if you look.

It's the 15th, and it's the 3rd month, so that must be the date all Caesars hate - the Ides Of March. Crikey the world is a mess right now. A month ago we didn't realise where we would be, and it's certainly not what most of us would have chosen. 

The Russian invasion of Ukraine has wiped COVID from the front pages of the news, but it really has only heaped sadness and stress on top of any which existed beforehand. We really do need some smiles, and every single one is worth it's weight in gold, because they are hard won just now. 

The storm is a long way from ending. It can feel helpless, pointless, overwhelming. Remember to take a break if you can. Walk away. Read a book, watch a film, meditate, have a kitchen disco. Immerse yourself in a bubble for a while. Sadly it will still all be there when you return, but you'll be stronger and more able to cope. Never lose hope. Just like every other before it, this time too will pass.

January is usually the hardest month, so let's get straight to it. How is your mental health? It's dark, dismal, Christmas is over and we have every reason for this January to be especially hard because of ruddy COVID.

The pandemic been going on for literally years now, and it is wreaking havoc across the UK (and entire Northern hemisphere / world). We are stressed, tired, and led by people who laugh in the face of their own restrictions. In the UK we are going for it, attempting to get through this wave without any restrictions, and hurtling towards "learning to live with the virus" at breakneck speed... Even though half the people on the bus don't even realise that's where they're going, we are already in the air as the bus attempts to leap the canyon. 

Crikey it's stressful - and we all know we won't all get off the bus unscathed. We didn't even get on it unscathed. We are scratched and bruised and none of us will ever forget this time. It can be hard to remember that it will end. It can be hard to see we will reach our goal, we will win against a virus. Hard to see that this is still temporary. 

"Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends.
Like my fathers come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends..."

Our 11 year old left Primary school last month, and Facebook showed me a memory to remind me of the day he left nursery, which was 18th July 2014. It's one of the most painful images I have. My innocent littlest baby, full of promise and joy at the world, and delighted with his "Goodbye" bag of goodies. It hurts so much because it's "before", and less than a month later, his sister was dead, and we were a family full of broken people. His life wouldn't ever be so innocent again.

It's Okay To Feel Happy and I Want To Hug Mummy are books which have been written especially to support younger children who have been bereaved, and I have been sent them for review by Troubadour Press.

The author, David Peart, is a widowed Dad, and he writes from the heart, with a gentle bluntness and honesty which can be especially useful for younger children. 

It's Okay To Feel Happy talks about the feeling you get in your tummy, when you do something, but then you are crippled by confused emotions because it feels so wrong to be happy. Survivor guilt isn't just for grown ups.

Pride, joy, excitement, fun, achievement. They are all clouded by grief, and it can be incredibly hard, especially at first, to allow them out. 

COVID-19 Coronavirus UK Briefing with Boz and World News Update 22nd /23rd March 2021.

The UK added 5,379 cases today and now has reported a total of 4,307,304 positive cases of COVID-19. We completed 1,191,048 tests yesterday.

The counter says 28,327,873 people had been given at least one dose of a vaccine in the UK by midnight last night. 2,363,684 people had received 2 doses and are fully vaccinated.

5,461 people were in hospital on Sunday 21st, with 748 using a ventilator yesterday, 22nd March.

In the 24 hours up until 5pm yesterday, we officially reported the loss of another 112 people who have tested positive to COVID-19 within 28 days, making a total of 126,284 losses of life in all settings.

Rep. Of Ireland 231,484 (+365) cases and 4,610 (+22) losses of life.

There have now been a total of 124,596,272 reported cases worldwide. The number of people who have lost their lives worldwide to COVID-19 is 2,740,161. Already over one hundred million (100,500,856) people have recovered.

"I think one thing worth stressing is that, on the continent right now, you can see sadly there is a third wave under way, and people in this country should be under no illusions that previous experience has taught us, that when a wave hits our friends, I'm afraid it washes up on our shores as well... I suspect we will feel those effects in due course, that's why we're getting on with our vaccination programme as fast as we can.
A vaccination campaign, developing vaccines, rolling them out, these are international projects and they require international cooperation."
Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister and friendly friendly Euro ally - who also led the UK's Leave campaign. (Bring me another ambassador,  this one's broken. Good speech though Boris, well done.)

It may have been a good speech, but as the wave across Europe is being driven by the UK/Kent B117 variant, we've actually already had that wave - hence our strict lockdown for the past few weeks. It's up to 70% more catchy, so it doesn't respond as you'd like to restrictions that worked with original wild COVID, which is why Europe is having a disaster, and our reopening is very cautious.
Any further wave, or spread of a new variant in the UK, will be due to government decisions - including quarantine rules.

 COVID-19 has filled my life for the past 7 months. I'm not even sure how much time normal people spend thinking about it, what experience most people have, because I'm so involved in grabbing new information and reporting it. It's my special interest, and I'd be fascinated anyway, so writing about it was a natural reaction. 

In fact, I'm at relative peace with the whole COVID thing. So much so that a reader of my COVID posts, and also a friend, asked if she could send me a personalised bracelet  (£1 from every sale goes to MIND) because she had the perfect word for me. She chose CALM. I suppose I am. Mostly*. 

I've always been well aware we are just animals living on a bit of rock, and as powerful as we think we are, nature will always be bigger than all of us. I guess that helps, but it's the fact we are pre-disastered that probably really makes the difference.  

This Christmas dinner, like the 5 before it, we will have an empty chair at our table. It's a chair that shouldn't be empty. A chair where there should be laughter, and smiles.

The empty chair is more important than anything else in the room. It represents the space in our lives, the hole we all navigate around every day. It can't be ignored, and as we go through our Christmas preparations, we plan and we buy, decorate and bake, the empty chair becomes more important.

At first it is quiet, sitting, watching. You catch it out of the corner of your eye, and you remember everything you try so hard to put to one side.

The chair gets bigger and more unavoidable as December progresses, until that innocuous piece of furniture is the loudest thing in the house. It becomes the only thing you can see when you look into the room.

Today I got up and had a wash, got dressed and made a brew. I checked my two boys were dressed and were at least thinking about having breakfast.
I had the radio on, Radio X with Toby Tarrant because Chris Moyles is on holiday again. It was one of those mornings you end up running up and down stairs loads of times because you've forgotten something, and when you get there you can't remember what it was, so you go back down and instantly remember.
I made the kids sandwiches (we've only got cheese, so no choices today) and packed their lunchboxes into their bags. Then a moment's peace. I sat down for 20 minutes with Facebook, coffee and a slice of toast.
Time for school. We spent a good 5 minutes trying to get everyone out of the door with the correct footwear, coat and bags, and then had to turn back for a forgotten pair of glasses when we were 200 yards up the road. Dropped the kids off, came home, fed the pets.

It was entirely mundane.

Gary was left outside our house. At first we thought he was a lost kitten, and we printed off big photos and put up posters looking for his owner. No-one rang and we were sad for an imaginary young family of children or elderly lady pining for her cat.


When he arrived, despite the fact I had a strong dislike for cats, Gary was determined he was at the right place. He knew how soft I am really and he knew he could break me down. I think he knew everything. Cats are smarter than we realise.

Thing is, he was really scared of outdoors and he really didn't want to go back out. He stayed with me all day, following me around the house and climbing onto my knee whenever I sat down. His eyes barely left mine and I chatted away to him the same as I did with my toddlers. Sometimes he even replied.


No-one ever came forward to claim Gary - who was named Gary by our youngest "because that's his name". We fed him boring dry food and left the door open for him to leave, but he didn't. He even went to the toilet inside - in the actual toilet (or the bath). It's one of the things I particularly liked about him.

Ironic really that it's during Children's Mental Health Week that I get called into school to discuss one of my children's attendance. This is a first for me. Up until 5 years ago I was the one with 100% attendance certificates all over my fridge and mantlepiece. I'm not unduly concerned, he's had a rough trot lately with several stomach bugs and it took about 6 weeks to clear the flu from his system. He's been ill. Hopefully that's our turn at everything done and we can have an easier time for the rest of the year.


My son has also just had a stressful time for other reasons than flu and associated headaches and vision problems. Over Christmas he saw his Dad rushed off to hospital again, this time with the flu, and he knows I have to have another hernia operation. In his world people he loves do really die, suddenly and forever. The last of his big siblings moved out in September and that's a really big change to our household. It's something that our doctor was concerned about for my partner and I, so it has to be a concern for the younger two as well.

My son has already had to live through far more trauma than most adults. Some days I look at our household and realise it's actually a miracle he ever attends school at all. I have always been quite strict with my kids about going to school, but I know I am slightly softer on the young ones than I ever was with their siblings. If in future they feel they can't cope with anything and can't even say exactly why, I wouldn't ever ignore it - but don't tell them that, they'll get ideas.