This time last year I was really feeling that we'd reached 'as good as it gets' and it was never going to be very good. 12 months has taught me that it continues to get slowly easier. Easier for all of us to think about Elspeth, easier to talk about Elspeth, easier to go about our lives with a distinct lack of Elspeth.
We've bought cards and presents, and last night five of us went to choose our Christmas tree. We have taken our little boys to some amazing events, Christmas is happening. It's still very hard, it's so full of memories for us all. It's utterly exhausting, and a sometimes it has to take a pause in favour of doing nothing. My Christmas cards are yet unwritten because I don't know how to sign them off at the end, and I hate that I can't write 9 names, but they'll be done.
Part of the reason for our 'up' is that our young person in hospital is really seeming to be doing very well. They've been reunited with their little brothers recently, which has been a joy to watch and be part of. I am really excited at the prospect of our 19 year old coming home from University, and getting everyone together for the first time in months. They might be too cool to always admit it, but they all miss each other a lot...