I'd much rather feed my children something that I feel is healthier and has nutritional value, than a snack that offers their tiny bodies very little else than energy. I try and ensure they have their 5-a-day, and snacks can be a great way to help reach that number.


We were given the chance to try Fruit Heroes bars. Massively popular in their native Denmark, they're a relatively new launch in the UK.

They're vegetarian and count as a full portion of fruit, are made from only natural ingredients and are raw. There are no preservatives, colourings, added sugar, added salt or Sulphur Dioxide and they are gluten and dairy free. Basically they're just fruit with a tiny amount of vegetable oil (2-3%) and water.

There seems no way it can be six months since Elspeth died, but it's true.

Six months is such a very long time, but I don't really remember very much of it, and it seems more possible I miscounted. It's a very demoralising thought that six months has already passed, but today it seems more as if it was six days. It's so tiring, I'm so weary. It makes it hard to sugar-coat anything.

Some days are okay, and others are not. We all feel the lack of progress, the failure to have moved on, the loss of confidence, the loss of you.

There's a lot of anger now, and frustration and even confusion. A house full of people who are short-tempered and frustrated, and overly-sensitive, is a hard place to live in. Everyone walks on eggshells all the time, but still manages to offend everyone else. We spend half our time explaining throwaway comments and asides that have devastated someone unintentionally. But we need each other, so we move from anger to tears in rapid succession, and step back onto the eggshells to start over again.

The children are no longer deemed 'Children In Need'. Everyone's happy with their progress, and has been since the beginning. The little boys coping very well and performing well at school, and five nights on a sedative from the Doctor have brought our youngest back into a routine of sleeping through. The three teenagers all have exams. They have so much stress to handle and I lie awake at night wondering how they can do it. How can they go to school and achieve, how can they focus? We're so proud of them, we really are.

I rarely cook properly. It's so hard to go and stand in the kitchen alone and cook, when for so many years you'd bring your homework and sit with me while I did it. I'd listen to you read and explain unknown words, and sometimes we'd discuss stuff that you can only discuss when you're alone, but you don't need any of those things now. You'll never need them.

The relentlessness is what's so hard. It doesn't stop. There is no getting off the treadmill, no break, no time off. We can never escape the fact that you aren't here - it goes on forever.

We are still waiting for the twice-delayed inquest, which will not be next month as someone is on holiday all month - lucky them. I hope they enjoy their holiday while we sit at home under a cloud, waiting to move on. I know emptiness follows the inquest, I've been told, but waiting for something that's going to be so painful adds another frustration. It gives us something else we have no control over.

We're doing it though, we are. And we will get there. I am the woman who jumped and landed, and I didn't stop walking because I knew I'd broken my leg. I had to keep going or I'd never make it to the van. That is where our lives are now. We can't stop, we can't pause, we can't smell any flowers, we just keep going. And one day we'll make it.

It was your 17th birthday 3 days ago, and that was a day everyone was dreading, and it went okay. Your 6 year old brother bought you flowers. He chose them very carefully. He said that he didn't want to get you anything you couldn't use, so you have purple and white flowers and a card saying Happy Birthday in fancy writing. You don't have driving lessons and band t-shirts and art materials. You can't use them.

Your friends organised an amazing time. They got together as a huge group and went and spent the evening together on a hill overlooking our town - the same place where our oldest walked to on the day you died. It's a very fitting place, and they had an awesome time. They celebrated your life, and came together to talk about where they are now - all moving forward and nearly half way through their college courses already. I hope they all do fantastically in any exams they are sitting this year. They miss you.

We ended up mostly spending your birthday together, talking and just being there, and when bedtime came everyone breathed a sigh of relief that we'd got through that day. We will feel the same today, as we do many days. Wondering where the time went, but glad that it did.

I hope you can see us. I hope you can enjoy the smiles and join in with the laughs. I hope you see that they are increasing, and we will get there, wherever there is. But we aren't there yet.

Here are some smiles I've collected this month...


There aren't many, but I think that's mainly a reflection on how many photo's I've actually taken, the teenagers revising, and the last week being very hard. You can be proud of your brother though, he's been rewarded for writing a fabulous 4 page story about The Gingerbread Man - complete with alternate ending featuring an elephant!


We miss you x

My 6 year old is becoming a confident writer now. He's speeding up and isn't intimidated with having to write sentences or lists,and we're really proud of him. Our nearly 5 year old is still at the stage where writing his name is great, but anything more is tricky, so requires a lot of effort.


Correct pencil grip is vital at this stage so that neither of my boys have bad habits from the start. Holding the pen or pencil correctly means less strain on your hand and arm, neater handwriting and more pleasure from writing. Stabilo have a great range of products to help children who are learning to write, and they've sent us some for review.

This Spring half term the Imperial War Museum North, at Trafford Quay in Manchester will be hosting a series of activities designed for children, and focusing on War At Sea. Entry to the museum is FREE, and the extra activities this half term are FREE - with no need to book. We were invited to have a preview last weekend with our 4 and 6 year olds, and they loved it.


We've been to the Imperial War Museum North a few times now, and my boys always enjoy looking at the exhibits and seeing the Big Picture Show, but the special events for school holidays really are so well done, they're always the highlight.

First we were all taken into the main space, and had story time underneath the Harrier Jump Jet. This was really different, really cool, and actually gave the children a chance to sit and look around them while the story telling was taking place. It wasn't too distracting, but it made us very aware we were in the museum, rather than being off in a white-walled room that could be anywhere.

I thought maybe my boys were growing out of playing with Green Toys vehicles, except for in the bath and sand pit where they're always popular, but the Flatbed Truck & Race Car is a bit different and has caught the attention of even my 6 year old, despite being a toy suitable for 12 months and over.

Over the past few months time for myself really has gone out of the window. I have just been too busy, too stressed, too sad. I felt like it was a long way down the list and just didn't find the time.

I had realised that my face was getting very dry, and I'd told myself several times that I really needed to return to more regularly using a suitable moisturiser. As I'm now approaching my mid 40's, I can use all the help I can get.


Oz Naturals asked me if I'd like to review their range, and it really was the push I needed to focus on myself for a few minutes each day. They asked me to review the 20% Vitamin C Serum, 5% Hyaluronic Acid Serum and Super Youth Eye Gel. These are used alongside your regular moisturiser.

My Little Pony is back on DVD this Spring in the second installment from Season 2 of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic -  May The Best Pet Win. First seen in 1983, My Little Pony has stood the test of time, one of the few toy brands who can survive and hold their place for over 30 years.


May The Best Pet Win is the story of how Rainbow Dash organises a 7 round competition to find out who the best pet is for her. It's a challenging contest, and the final battle is against Rainbow Dash herself at 'Ghastly Gorge'.
As ever, it doesn't go quite to plan, and during the race Rainbow Dash finds herself in trouble when her wing becomes stuck under a boulder. She is about to give up hope when she is rescued by an unlikely saviour.....

A while ago LEGO were getting a lot of pressure to consider gender roles and the stereotyping that tended to take place in LEGO sets. LEGO are very good at listening to their customers and fans (there's an address for feedback on the back of every leaflet). Not only are they good at listening, they're good at acting on it too.


Recently women have been portrayed more and more often in stronger character roles and aren't just extras walking past or needing to be rescued. They aren't just there to cook or be 'Mum', they're an integral part of all kinds of sets, and they're doing the same stuff as the male characters.